Red Erection/transcript

(the episode starts with RABs relaxing while Bunny has nothing to do)

Bunny: Son of a bitch.

Puppy: What's your problem now, fuckjuice gargler? Did you just realize how gay you are?

Bunny: Well, it's just a sparkling, magical day, and there's nothing to do.

Cat: Oh shit! Today's the 4-H Fair! (gets up) We're totally missing it!

Donkey: I like to play Skee-Ball there, and I got a blue ribbon for Biggest Pinecone last year!

Cat: First of all, that wasn't a pinecone. It was a giant turd. And that wasn't a blue ribbon, either. It was a restraining order. You can't even come with us this year, Donkey.

Puppy: Retard.

(the medal appears with a yellow and pink text "OFFICIALLY RETARDED" with a thumb on it next to Donkey)

Hamster: Hooray! 4-H Fair! All our fambilies will be there!

Puppy: Cool! My family's kickass. Except for my dead mother. Ya know Bunny, it's weird, we're only like, three to four months old, but, we can clearly remember the 4-H Fair from last year. How IS that possible...

Bunny: Stop talking.

Puppy: But I, just...

Bunny: We are (turns into Bunzilla) DONE WITH THIS CONVERSATION.

Puppy: Fine, let's just go get our beef queefed. Our junk dunked? Handles manhandled? Please stop looking at me...

Hamster: 4-H is for-

Donkey: (interrupts Hamster) HORSESHIT!!!

(later that day...)

(fade to 4-H Fair where RABs get ready to go at it)

Cat: I'm psyched! I've got nine whole dollars to spend!

4-H Fair Ticket Karen: Two-fifty, please.

Cat: Shit. Make that six-fifty. (Karen takes Cat's two dollars. The medal appears with a white and pink text "NOT RETARDED" with a dislike thumb in it. Karen gives Cat two cents) See ya later, guys. (goes in)

4-H Fair Ticket Karen: (points to Donkey) You can't bring that guy in here. No goddamn donkeys.

Puppy: Sorry, Cap'n Pants. You're just not cool enough. I can't wait to play hours and hours of succulent, sweet-assed Skee-Ball. (laughs at Donkey) You suck at life! (goes in with Hamster. Donkey craps a huge diarrhea while making an elephant noise)

(cut to Cat)

Cat: (looks at the bar) Shit, I can't even afford one beer. (looks at the music store Metasonix) Hey, these guys have guitar pedals. I'll buy something for my FUCK rig! (goes in where Metasonix Salesman Panda works in here) Hey dude! How much for this amp? I got six bucks!

Metasonix Salesman Panda: This amp is the Fucking Fucker. It costs five thousand dollars. And there's a 13-year waiting list with a 100% deposit required,

Cat: Hey, you can't call it that! My friend Puppy copyrighted that name for himself. (encounters something) What the- hey, that's us on this thing!

Metasonix Salesman Panda: Ah yes, the Ass Blaster. Yeah, I'm pretty proud of this fucker. Boozy Boozebourne's already ordered ten of 'em.

Cat: Shouldn't we get, like, royalties, or something?

Metasonix Salesman Panda: Uh, shouldn't you go suck some dead moose's balls?

(cut to Hamster)

Hamster: GUMPA! (hugs his Gumpa) Me heart you!

Hamster's Gumpa: I pissed out my whole pancreas. Everything about life is horrible.

Hamster's Sister: Let's find fireworks to asplode!

Hamster and his siblings: HOORAY!!!

Hamster's Gumpa: I'm 106 years old today and I regret every year.

Hamster and his siblings: YAY! FIREWORKS!!!

(cut to Puppy who goes to the Scottish bar where his dad, Sean Connery, works in here)

Sean Connery: Look who it ish. The prodigal shon. Firsth ye kill my bonnie lassh in childberth, then ye shove yer Johnshon in my fashe while tripping ballsh on ashid. Go pissh up an electric fensh ya fokin shon of a betch!

Puppy: Correction, dead bitch.

Sean Connery: FOKK YE!!! (quits his job and goes away. Puppy's cousin walks in)

Puppy's Cousin: Hey, cuz! Guess you got over your whole "Mom-killing complex," eh? That's fucking hot. (looks at Puppy's balls) Nice balls, by the way.

Puppy: Oh, is that what those things are? Aw fuck, now I'm all embarrassed... WHOA! (sees his cousin sucking his balls) All right! I finally don't have to do this myself! (The medal appears with a white and pink text "NOT RETARDED" with a dislike thumb in it.)

(cut to Bunny who goes to the Beer Garden)

Bunny: Gimme a beer. I need alcohol.

Bartender: Seven dollars, please.

Bunny: Seven, dollars.

(Bunny summons his tentacles, killing people. Donkey peeks the fence, and gets out of it)

Donkey: I'm like a Transformer robot! Only without robot parts, and all sneaky-like! (walks to the food stand, where a hippo works in here) Hello, I want some fried dough.

Fried Dough Hippo: You need four food tickers for fried dough. (Donkey craps a huge diarrhea while making an elephant noise, lightning coming out of his mouth) Uh, OK. (gives Donkey a fried dough) On the house.

Donkey: (gulps the fried dough) Time for some Skee-Ball! (walks away)

Fried Dough Hippo: I just saw a lightning come out of a donkey.

(cut to the music store, where Panda shows the sheep family a brand new TH-12 Testicahedron)

Metasonix Salesman Panda: That's right, folks, the TH-12 Testicahedron, will make your 5-piece '80s cover band sound just like twelve exploding, cancer-coated colons in outer space.

Keytar Nerd Sheep: I dunno, guys. My keytar needs clean tone for Separate Ways.

Metasonix Salesman Panda: Ah, you must be the band faggot.

Cat: Excuse me, my stepfather here is an attorney.

Cat's Stepfather: GIMME SOME GODDAMN FUCKIN MONEY YOU FUCKIN QUEER!!!

Metasonix Salesman Panda: Fine, have a free Scrotum Smasher. (gives Cat a free Scrotum Smasher)

Cat: Sweet!

(cut to Puppy)

Puppy's Cousin (naked, standing on a roof): OK, get ready! I've only done this about 300 times!

Puppy: My god! I have met my sexual equal! (his cousin jumps on Puppy's pee pee, with the blood spurting) Ahh!! What is that, tantric? Hello? Ah, great, I've killed another fucking relative. Aaaaaoooohh. (his cousin is not dead, sucking his balls) Marry me...

(cut to Arcade where Donkey shoots a skeeball to the lower hole, gets a 1000 highscore, drops his jaw. The tickets go out. Donkey goes to the vendor)

Skee Ball Prize Booth Hippo: 1000 point winner! Pick out any prize, young man!

Donkey: I want the Pegascorn!

(Pegascorn appears, crushing the Skee Ball Prize Booth Hippo)

Pegascorn: (uses his rainbow grab) Now I will take you to Rainbow Planet, (grabs Donkey to his back) a solid gold utopia, where you'll be revered as a god, for all eternity.

Donkey: Okeedokee! (he and Pegascorn fly to the Rainbow Planet)

(cut to the firework store, where Puppy and his cousin go in)

Puppy: I have a predilection for this red erection. Check this thing out. It's like a slightly larger version of my pee-pee place!

Puppy's Cousin: Do me on it! (this makes Puppy go erected)

Hamster: Yay! Firewerx!

Hamster's Gumpa: I'm still afraid of death, regardless of my long, long life. (Hamster lightens the firework with a lighter) I have no lessons to teach.

Hamster and his siblings: HOORAY!!!

(the firework explodes, burning Hamster and his relatives' insides, leaving their skeletons. Puppy climbs the firework. Bunny appears, revealed that he is not dead)

Bunny: (sips a glass of beer) Still not dead.

(the medal appears with an orange background, white text saying "WHO CARES" and a blank emoji on it. Puppy and his cousin making out on a firework. Cat practises his guitar with a Scrotum Smasher. BOOM! The explosion. The flaming semen flaming the fair)

Fried Dough Hippo: Oh my gawd! Flaming semen is destroying my carny lifestyle!

Hamster (skeleton): Hooray! (the medal appears with a yellow and pink text "OFFICIALLY RETARDED" with a thumb on it. The flaming semen throws to Hamster)

Pegascorn: (takes Donkey out to the ruins of the fair while Donkey is holding a restraining order) You destroyed our civilization with your fried dough shitstorm. Farewell forever. (puts Donkey to the ground and flies away)

Donkey: (looks at the restraining order) Blue ribbon, bitches!

(THE END!)