Happy Afterbirthday/transcript

(The episode starts with Cat sitting on a chair, reading a magazine, with two cans of beer next to it and Hamster staring at the camera)

Hamster: We've been on t3h intarwebs for three years now.

Cat: Hamster, you know good and goddamned well time and space have no meaning here.

Puppy: (appears) Do you remember the day we all met?

Cat: Of course not. By our point of view, we've always known each other. There's just us, this field, and an occasional change of scenery.

Puppy: 1984! A sunny day, like today. (cut to Bob's Compu Shoppe, where RABs fly with their bikes while holding floppy dicks, but Puppy) We all took our BMX bikes to the computer store after school to buy five-dollar floppy dicks.

(cut to the field)

Bunny: Oh yeah! I remember that.

Cat: What?! No you don't!

Bunny: It was a sad day for me. (cut to Nancy Stackworthies' apartment where Bunny gives Nancy a flower) It was the day I asked out Nancy Stackworthies to the dance. She, like, totally turned me down. I was devastated. (Nancy burns Bunny's flower with her lighter, which made Bunny show a mixture of sadness and shockness. Then cut to the field)

Cat: Didn't happen.

Puppy: Internet wasn't around back then, of course.

Cat: Right, so we couldn't possibly have existed.

Puppy: Nope. Back then, it was all about the arcade. (Cat facepalms)

Donkey: (riding all around Hamster) D'aww! I like the drivin' game! With the black Lamborghini! And Desi Arnaz Jr. was good.

(cut to the streets at night, where Automan car driving)

Desi Arnaz Jr: Slow down, Automan!

Donkey: Nope NOPE nope Nope n9p3 nope nope nope nOPe NOp3 nope (sways a car, which flips the rails) I'm a ROBOT CAR!!

Desi Arnaz Jr: This isn't Tron, is it? I am so lost. (a car crashes out of arcade machine which shocked Pico)

(cut to the field)

Cat: What the fuck was that?

Donkey: I can't rightly say. M-my memory's fuzzier than Puppy's ballsack.

Puppy: Aah. But then cane the '90s. The internet burst on the scene. And we were THERE!

Cat: No, we weren't!

Hamster: I remember MY first websitings!

(shows white background with blue outline and bunch of hamsters dancing with a parody of Hamster Dance and blue text HAMSTERDUNCE.COM)

Cat: That wasn't you, fucktard!

Hamster: Am you calling me a liar? Me? The chosen one?

Cat: Yes.

Hamster: NOOOOOOOOO! I are Hamster! Me no lies!

Cat: Well, you are now. You've never done anything as remotely famous ad hamsterdance dot com.

Hamster: Have TOO!

(Cut to multiple hasmters appear dancing, then a plate of fluffernutters where Donkey eats them later, and a Donkey pooping a whole shit pie after eating fluffernutters. Here's the lyrics:)

Hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster

Fluffernutter

Hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster

Fluffetnutter

Hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster

Fluffernutter

Argh! Cake! A Cake!

A cake, oooh, it's a cake! It's a

Hamster hamster hamster hamster hamster-

(Bunny interrupts the song, turning into Bunzilla)

Bunzilla: CTHULHU COMMANDS SILENCE!!

Puppy: Well anyway, Happy turd berfday, everyone!

Cat: Whatever you say. Donkey already made a cake, so we may as well celebrate life in general.

(four and a half minuted later...)

(RABs, including Satan, eating shit pie)

Satan: Remember the time I chopped Bunny's torso in half during Show 'n Tell?

Cat: Hmm. You know, I do recall that.

Puppy: Aw yeah. That was fucking hilarious!

Hamster: Heeheeeheeheheehehe!

Bunny: Yeah, heheh! I'm always dying. (both stare at him) What. Why are you all looking at me? Oh fuck off. I'm not gonna choke on this cake, and I haven't commited suicide since 1984.

(cut to the streets at night, where Bunny, wearing a red and white bandana and a white shirt with X-LAX, is ready to fall off the top of building)

Bunny: WHY NANCY WHYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!!?

(Bunny falls off the building while his abndana falls off his head with Jump Minor playing in the background. Finally, after few seconds, Bunny crashed on the floor.)

(The end!)